apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
