God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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