I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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