Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
