ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
