Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
