and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
