there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
