did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
