Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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