If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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