he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
