if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
