Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
