someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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