Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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