I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
