that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
