she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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