I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
