make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
