Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
