I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
