Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
