dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
