you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
