I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
