How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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