yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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