guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
