I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
