Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
