We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the liver wants what the liver wants
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
