whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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