Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
