Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
