...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
