Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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