my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
