judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
