True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
