So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
