I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
