even my farts smell like vagina
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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