I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
