remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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