is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
