Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
