btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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