I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
