Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
