I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
