from now on my penis is your penis
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
