the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
