Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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