Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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