My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
