I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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